This month’s Business Channel promo day is centered around the theme “taking a break”. I realized that I’ve been writing a lot about sabbaticals and 9-hour workweeks here at Pimp Your Work, so I’ve decided to take the “break” idea up a notch.
As a result, I’ve decided to write about one of the most permanent breaks you can possibly take (second only to death):
Getting fired.
So, if you feel you really, really must be fired (and why wouldn’t you want that), here’s are some surefire ways to do it:
Blog freely about your colleagues and company. Don’t attempt to censor yourself or use code names - especially if there’s juicy water cooler gossip. Why prevent the general public from getting in on the fun?
Search for the phone numbers of all your high school classmates and spend hours speaking to them on an office phone. Why would your company invest in a phone if no one was meant to use it?
Surf the net for fun throughout your entire workday. As I mentioned last year, a Japanese government employee was fired for spending his workdays editing and writing Wikipedia entries about the cartoon series Gundam. If you want to be fired, follow this gentleman’s example. After all, if you won’t edit those Wikipedia entries, who will?
 Steal something. From a stapler to the boss’ chair, the office is filled of hundreds of things you can steal. The more massive and the more costly the stolen thing is, the stronger your punishment. Use that as a rule of thumb.
If all else fails, fire everyone publicly - even if you’ve no authority to do so. Karmic law recommends that whatever you give to the universe, you’ll eventually receive the same. What better way to get fired than to fire everyone else? You’ll get bonus points if you say “You’re fired!” like Donald Trump does.
Note that you should only do the above if you really want to get fired and have a complete understanding of what sarcasm is. Â Pimp Your Work is not responsible for any lawsuits or foul smells that occur from following the above advice.
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